Hello
by MirrorSparkles1234
Summary: "Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping, hello I'm still here all that's left of yesterday."- Hello Evanescence. Sequel to Deeper Into You. Serena and Edward are now a family unit which in their opinion is a lot better than there last attempt, but when Eleanor comes home from University quiet, cut off and not her usual self this family unit is going to have to pull together help her.
1. Chapter 1

Nearly four years had passed since Kyla was born into the world, the infant who endlessly cried because of colic, teething and to the point where Serena was falling asleep at her desk at work.

_October 2014_

_Ric walked in to find Serena asleep at her desk as steaming hot coffee beside her, "Morning," Ric greeted, Serena jumped up looking knackered, "Teething?"_

"_Colic," Serena yawned and rubbed her eyes, "She won't stop…Edward's at home with her I needed a break."_

"_Don't think about going into theatre," Ric strongly advised._

"_You really think I'd put patients lives at risk?" Serena asked angrily she raised her left eyebrow._

_Ric sat at his desk and slouched into his chair, and poured himself a coffee. Serena popped the lid off her cup and drank the substance that was hopefully going to keep her awake, "No I'm just advising."_

"_Well I don't need advising I have had a child before," Serena snapped._

"_I'm sorry for trying to sympathise," Ric looked down at his iPad and he was shocked from what he heard next, "What did I do?"_

"_Nothing it's not you," Serena dried her eyes._

"_Are you OK?" Ric walked over and knelt down, "Serena?"_

"_I'm so tired," Serena cried with her head on her desk and Ric, knowing Serena was usually strong, not a failure was worried, "I haven't slept properly in weeks, I'm shouting at Edward when things aren't his fault," Serena lifted her head up and dried her leaking eyes again, "And I think I might have…Puerperal Mastitis."_

"_Describe your symptoms," Ric ordered._

"_Fever, breast pain, fatigue…I'm sorry it's just probably my hormones screaming for attention," Serena looked away._

"_Get yourself on Erythromycin Serena two fifty milligrams should do it," Ric rubbed her back, "And whilst you're at it get your head down, I'll tell no one to interrupt you."_

"_I'm fine," Serena sighed heavily, "Sorry."_

"_Don't be you're fine," Ric walked to the door, "Want me to get James or anyone?"_

"_No but could you try and find out how Isobel is doing? I haven't seen Jac since she went into labour," Serena had been very worried about Jac and Johnny also of course little Isobel._

"_I'll see what I can do," Ric nodded and walked out, "Ah James."_

"_What's Serena doing here?" James asked._

"_Ehaustion and I think she needs a hug," Ric walked away from James, and James knocked on her office door and walked in._

"_Did I say you could enter?" Serena didn't look up but she had a feeling she knew who it was, who else just knocked and entered? _

"_Are you OK?" James asked kindly he noticed she looked exhausted, "Out with it."_

"_I'm fine James," Serena lied and she knew James had seen right through her, he walked over to the desk and sat on the chair opposite, "I'm fine."_

"_Don't take me for a fool Serena," James picked up the chair and placed it next to Serena, he then sat down and rested foot on his left thigh, "Hmm let's see fatigue-"_

"_Kyla has colic and is not sleeping," Serena butted in before he could carry on._

"_Don't mean to sound like I'm a perv but your breasts are swollen-"_

"_Been taking a good look?" Serena asked James sarcastically._

"_Not just me George and Amelia have noticed too," James went red and Serena sighed heavily._

"_Alright I think I have Puerperal Mastitis," Serena admitted, "I'm so tired."_

"_Yeah I know...Edward raised the concern to me…don't be mad at him, he's worried about you. Now would you like a hug?" James offered kindly._

"_These aren't tears there just…hormones settling down," Serena saw two tears drip onto the desk._

"_Then use this to wipe your settling down hormones," James pulled out a tissue and laughed, Serena took the tissue and dried her eyes._

"_I'm sorry if I was horrible earlier...I didn't mean to shout at you," Serena leant her head back and James folded his arms, "You were there and I needed someone to shout at," Serena got off her chair and slid down the wall, "Can't get comfy."_

"_Glad to know I'm your punch bag," James got off the chair and slid down next to her, "Don't worry a sleep deprived Serena is scary."_

"_I was going to suggest a sleep deprived me is emotional…but scary sums me up," Serena rested her head on James arm, "I had it all worked out James, because I've done it before I thought it might be easier."_

"_I know," James moved his arm around Serena's upper arm, "And I thought you'd be able to control everything…obviously nineteen years you've forgotten how."_

"_Funny," Serena laughed, "I need to say sorry to Edward. I may have been a little harsh earlier."_

"_Yeah I know he rang me up asking if you were OK, it's like nineteen-ninety-five all over again," James felt Serena lift her head up, "You'll be OK you always are."_

…

Now Kyla was three, turning four tomorrow and as Edward and Eleanor predicted, Kyla had the looks of her mum, dark brown hair and piercing brown eyes, her hair was long too long for Edward and Eleanor's liking but Serena liked it long. A lot had happened in the past four years: Johnny and Jac had got married and Isobel-Kayla was a little fighter pulling through every obstacle she was being faced with, after Chrissie left Sacha and Mo grew closer and thanks to an unprotected night Mo was now pregnant with her and Sacha's baby, Jac had told Sacha off jokingly saying, '_If you're not careful you'll end up impregnating the whole hospital'. _

A few times over the years Sharon had returned mostly to see Elliot, and was very happy to find that him and Adrienne were together, as her, herself was in a relationship with an American man who got on very well with Michael; no surprise there. Then after two years of being together Elliot proposed to Adrienne, at first Serena was unsure but after they all sat round for a meal Serena softened up. Everyone was now happy.

…

Serena was woken up by the sound of her door creaking open, "What you doing here?" Serena asked Kyla who was holding her teddy bear, "Hey what's wrong?"

"Bad dream," Kyla got onto her parent's bed and crawled into the middle, "Bad dream mummy," Kyla cuddled into her mum.

"What happened?" Serena asked concerned Kyla never had bad dreams.

"I can't member but it was scary," Kyla cried.

"Hey don't cry sweetie," Serena dried Kyla's eyes and the noise woke up Edward, "Sorry," Serena said to a stirring Edward.

"What's happened?" Edward flicked on the light and saw Kyla, "Why you crying sweetheart?"

"Bad dream daddy," Kyla then cuddled into her dad, "It was scary."

"Oh dear," Edward sat up and Kyla looked up at him, "Well you know the cure for a bad dream?"

Kyla shook her tangled hair, "What?"

"You scare it away, come on," Edward got out of bed and Kyla jumped down off the bed and followed her dad, Serena was curious to see what he was going to do, "First you have to find the sweet spot of the bed."

"What's that?" Kyla asked she put her thumb in her mouth.

"Don't let mummy see you do that," Edward winked at Serena, "The sweet spot is the spot where bad dreams can't get you."

"Where is it?" Kyla asked.

"Usually right in the middle," Edward lifted Kyla up off the floor and placed her into bed, "And then you pull the covers up," Edward pulled the Disney printed duvet cover up over Kyla, "Then," Edward poked her nose, "You turn off all the lights," Serena turned them off, "And put the night light on," Edward switched on the night light that projected stars, "So now the bad dreams can't scare you because the stars will protect you," Edward kissed her hair and watched as Kyla fell back asleep, "Easy peasy."

"Yeah," Serena closed the door ajar and the pair went back to bed, "How did you do that?" Serena curled into Edward.

"Like I said easy…your phones flashing," Edward noticed the light of the phone on the ceiling.

"Oh it's Eleanor, it's five in the morning," Serena clicked answer, "Hello darling you OK?"

"Just fine and dandy," Eleanor said angrily down the phone, "Muuuuum I'm stuck in Leeds because the Cross Country Train that I'm supposed to have has broken down…and I don't know what's happening."

"OK calm down," Serena sat up, "Do you want someone to talk to whilst you wait?"

"Yeah," Eleanor said tiredly down the phone, "I was stuck on a train from Edinburgh for three hours and twelve minutes and now I need to get to get to Bristol and it's taking forever!"

"OK well tell me how's your course going?" Serena asked.

"Going great I've nearly finished can't wait," Eleanor walked over to Platform 11c and sat by the wall, "It's cold."

"Have you got a jacket?" Serena asked.

"Yeah but it's really cold…actually then again I should appreciate this cold, I've gotta go back to ice cold conditions soon."

Serena laughed, "So how are you and Alasdair doing?"

Eleanor looked down at the silver ring on her finger, "We're doing great," Eleanor said pretending to sound happy and dreamy, "Anyway how's my little sister?"

"Excited for turning four," Serena answered, "She misses you…has been ecstatic been telling everyone at school how you're coming home from university."

"She can pronounce that?" Eleanor asked confused – Kyla could barely pronounce Psychology and Psychiatrist.

"Well now she said Unarestity," Serena smiled and she heard Eleanor laugh down the phone, "You OK?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah I'm just cold, tired and want to be in my own bed," Eleanor then began to cry, "I'm tired."

"Don't cry," Serena walked over to the window and opened it for fresh air, "How long until the next train?"

"One hour," Eleanor sniffled, "Sorry…you must think I'm being pathetic."

"You don't need to be sorry OK," Serena felt the morning air wash on her face, "I'll stay on the phone with you."

…

Eleanor arrived in Bristol three hours later and began her journey home and finally arrived home at nine o'clock in the morning, knackered, hungry and not in the mood Eleanor walked into a morning, "Ellie!" Kyla came running over and Eleanor lifted her up, "You home," she kissed her big sister.

"And very tired," Eleanor lifted Kyla, "I'm going to grab a shower and then grab a few hours."

"You OK darling?" Serena asked.

"Long journey," Eleanor walked upstairs and walked into her room then she sat on her bed, the silver ring on her finger was shining but she wondered for how long, "Very long journey," Eleanor whispered to herself. Serena concerned walked upstairs and pushed the door ajar, "Go away Kyla not in the mood," Eleanor assumed it was Kyla because Kyla normally just walked in.

"How about try telling me to go away," Serena stood in the doorway arms folded, "Has something happened with you and Alasdair?" Serena knew a heartbreak when she saw one, she walked over and sat on the end of the bed.

"Nothing," Eleanor began to cry, "It's just…we…I'm…oh mum I've messed everything up."

Serena laid down next to Eleanor, "What's happened? I thought you two were fine," Serena then saw the ring, "Is that a? Eleanor," Serena grabbed her hand.

"I was going to tell you today," Eleanor looked away but Serena turned her head, "I'm sorry."

"Then why are you crying? Aren't you supposed to be happy?"

"I think…mum…I think I'm pregnant," Eleanor broke from mum's contact as she knew this might turn nasty, "Say something."

Serena didn't know what to say in fact she was more than shocked, "Oh Eleanor," Serena sighed heavily.

"I knew you'd be mad," Eleanor sat up and her hair fell down to her breasts, and then she felt Serena pull her into a hug, "Why aren't you shouting at me?"

"Because I'd be a bit of a hypercritical if I told you off for having unprotected sex," Serena felt Eleanor move closer to her, "Your father and I weren't exactly smart."

"Dad will go mad at Al he punched Harry got knows what he'll do to Al," Eleanor broke away and Serena told her to stay put, "Where you going?"

"Wait here," Serena ordered and she returned two minutes later, "Here," Serena handed Eleanor a book called: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

"Mum I'm pregnant, getting married I don't have men troubles," Eleanor sniffled and cuddled back into her mother, "Why aren't you mad at me?"

"I don't like hypercritics," Serena patted her older daughter's head, "I got you the book because you're going to need to learn the male mind, "Have you got a test?"

"In my bag…mum he's not ready for a kid. He's going to run I know he is," Eleanor heard the tears drop onto the book.

"Darling listen," Serena held Eleanor tight, "The only way Alasdair is going to run is if he gets past me, your, James, George and also Amelia…so if he thinks he's bolting. Mr Jock has another coming."

"I can still be your little girl right?" Eleanor asked, "Even though I might be pregnant."

"Four years ago I said you'll be my little girl…just because there's a possibility you may be pregnant," both Serena and Eleanor didn't realise Edward was standing in the doorway, "You'll still be my little girl…just Kyla's my littlest girl." He had missed the 'pregnant' word and only caught the last bit.

"Which reminds me," Eleanor hopped off her bed and dug into her bag, "I didn't know what to get her so I thought of this," Eleanor pulled out a black box which contained a locket, "I didn't know what to get her."

"She'll love it…talking of which we need to think about your birthday as well," Serena ruffled her daughter's hair, "OK so we can discuss this later," Serena pointed to her daughter's stomach, "Maybe not whilst there's a certain very vigilant three/four year old around."

"Maybe not at Costa either," Eleanor laughed.

"KFC?" Serena raised an eyebrow.

"Agreed," Eleanor put the locket away and then stood up, "Dad's going to kill me."

"I know once he finds out…I'll talk to him OK," Serena placed a kiss on Eleanor's forehead, "Now I know you're tired so grab a few hours, but I know there's a certain someone who wants to show you all of her school achievements and also be read a story."

"I'll join you guys in a bit…I'm going to take a shower and then get my head down," Eleanor stood up and so did Serena.

"Of course," Serena walked out of the room but then turned back, "Want me to save you some bacon?"

Eleanor nodded and then Serena shut the door, a few years back she would've been mad but given that herself and Edward weren't exactly perfect in the ways of protection and also marrying twice she couldn't be mad. So instead Serena shook her head and went downstairs.

"Where's Ellie?" Edward asked he had Kyla on his lap.

"She's had a long journey, so she's getting a few hours," Serena sat down, "And then she'll come and look through your school work and read you a story."

"OK," Kyla grinned happily, "Is Alsdar with her?"

"No he's not this time…" Serena had a feeling Eleanor purposely told him not to come, so she decided when they went to KFC she would talk things over.

**A/N: OK so I'm of course going to carry this on but it might not be as quick updates as with Deeper Into You because I might get other ideas for one shots and stuff and also because I have studies. Let me know what you think (: xxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Eleanor woke up at four o'clock because Kyla had walked in, "Ellie wake up," Kyla shook her sister awake, "It's this many numbers," Kyla held up four fingers.

"What?" Eleanor checked her phone for the time, she had about ten missed calls off Alasdair and thirty messages, "Kyla can you run downstairs and get mummy? I need to talk to her."

"Mummy wants you ta come down," Kyla sat crossed legged on the blanket, "Why you crying?" Kyla asked concerned, "Ellie?" she crawled over and laid down next to her sister, "Why you crying?"

"I'm not," Eleanor painted a smile on her face, "See I'm smiling."

"You were crying," Kyla played with her sister's hair, "Why Ellie?"

"I'm just tired that's all," Eleanor sat up, Kyla copied and then when Eleanor got off the bed Kyla, lifted her arms up. "You're getting heavy now," Eleanor put Kyla on her hip and Kyla rested her head on her sister's shoulder, "Don't let mummy see you do that," Eleanor warned her sister because she was sucking her thumb.

"I like it," Kyla said.

"So did I but mummy didn't like it," Eleanor then walked down the stairs, "What's cooking?" Eleanor asked her mother.

"Kyla thumb out," Serena said stern then the house phone rang, "Ed grab that."

Edward walked over to the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"Hi Edward it's Serena, is Ellie there?"

"Yeah hang on," Edward took the phone away from his ear and placed his hand on the speaker on the bottom, "Ellie Serena's on the phone for you."

"Oh no," Eleanor groaned and picked up the phone in the kitchen, "Hello?" Eleanor tilted her head to the side.

"Where are you?" Serena asked concerned, "Everyone's been trying to get hold of you."

"It's complicated," Eleanor said down the phone she felt Kyla slipping so Serena took her off Eleanor, "It really is."

"Alright what's Jock done now?" Serena asked, "Spill Ellie."

"I can't look I'll ring you back," Eleanor clicked the phone off and put it on the hook.

"Out with it," Serena said she still had Kyla on her hip, so she put her on counter and gave her a banana.

"Mummy peel it peeease," Kyla held the banana out for her mum to take, "Ta."

"Ellie what's happened?" Serena finished peeling and gave the banana back to Kyla, "Please tell me."

"Kyla why don't you show me your school stuff now?" Eleanor asked very enthusiastic Kyla finished the banana and jumped into Eleanor's arms, "Then I'll read you a story," Kyla wrapped her legs around Eleanor's hips and wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Eleanor," Serena said stern.

"I'll talk later," Eleanor went into the living room and sat Kyla on lap, "Right let's see," Kyla jumped off and went to her butterfly school bag, "Wow did you do that?" Eleanor pulled Kyla back up on her lap, Kyla had drawn a picture of Holby City Hospital and the staff outside; they were drawn in colour pens but otherwise for a toddler nearly a child it was really good, "That's really good Ky."

"Look," Kyla pulled out some more work, "It's you," Kyla drew a massive school – her interpretation of what a university is, "And there's Alsdar and Se…re…na."

"Finally you get the name right," Eleanor tickled her sister's stomach which made Kyla wriggle, "You know what? When she sees you next you should show how you can say her name."

…

In the kitchen Serena realised Eleanor had left her phone and determined to find out what was wrong, Serena closed the kitchen door and scrolled down to find the contact number for Serena. The younger Serena was sat at her, Eleanor, Gabby and Alasdair's house, when her phone vibrated and she immediately answered, "Alright Ellie spill."

"It's her mother," Serena said down the phone.

"Ohh mummy Serena hello," Serena laughed down the phone, "God it gets confusing."

"Yeah I know look what's Serena what's going on with Ellie?" Serena scratched her forehead and the younger Serena sighed heavily down the phone.

"Look Serena," Serena laughed which made the older Serena frown though the younger Serena couldn't see it, she knew that the older Serena wouldn't agree. "Sorry I just find it funny saying my name."

"What's going on with my daughter?" Serena asked now getting impatient, "She comes back here and I find her in her room almost in tears…has something happened?"

"Last time I checked her and Al were fine," Serena put down her pen and paper and to her uni room window, "She just took off though…didn't give us any indication she was going."

Older Serena looked confused and she went the fridge, "So she just took off? What about Gabby have you spoken to her?"

"Her and Ellie went out last night, apparently Eleanor was in a right state…she came home last night…actually when I think about it she's been drinking a lot," Younger Serena then found a pregnancy test in the kitchen bin, "Serena I think Eleanor's pregnant there's a test here that reads positive."

So Eleanor had lied to her and had been drinking, "Right thank you Serena…you've been a big help."

"I've got her in trouble haven't I?" Younger Serena asked worriedly.

"You've saved her from getting in trouble…medical wise how many units has she been exceeding?"

"A lot," Younger Serena answered she hated being the one to stitch Eleanor up, but being the oldest in the house she knew it was the right thing, "Promise you won't kick off at her?"

"Mummy!" Older Serena heard Kyla shouting, "Listen thank you you've been a big help."

"Bye," Younger Serena put down the phone and rested her head against the kitchen counter.

Serena ran into the living room to find Kyla being tickled, "You made me think something was wrong," Serena was relieved then she needed to talk to Eleanor, "Ellie a word in private."

"I'll read you a story in a bit OK," Eleanor let go of her sister who she tickled and followed her mum, Serena led them outside.

"Get in," Serena ordered to Eleanor and once Eleanor was in and buckled up, Serena got in the car.

"You're angry I know that look," Eleanor said she looked at her mother with fear in her eyes, "Mum? Where we going?"

"You'll see," Serena started the car engine and then drove off, "Just for a drive.", Serena put on the CD player which already had a CD in one of Kyla's.

The _Balamory Theme Song _came on Serena went to stop it, "No don't. I used to love this when I was little."

"I know I got you the videos for Christmas remember?" Serena remembered the Christmas morning, Eleanor had just turned seven and wanted nothing more than her favourite programme on video. Then when she ripped the wrapping paper off she squealed loudly and re-watched it all day, which by that time Serena had learnt the theme song off by heart that was one programme she didn't mind; understandable, the programme was set in a fictional town in Scotland and she was half Scottish and proud to be half, "That was one programme I didn't mind watching with you."

"You liked Come Outside, Fireman Sam, Thomas The Tank Engine, Sixty-Four Zoo Lane, you used to put the kids channels on even when I wasn't there," Eleanor saw Serena's lips twitch, "I hope you haven't got Kyla watching all the Disney Junior rubbish things just aren't the same…do they still have Tiny Pop?"

"You can watch that stuff with her tonight if you want…I know deep down you like it, you best text your father telling him we won't be back for a while." Serena kept her eye on the road, "I spoke to your friend Serena earlier."

"Knew she wouldn't keep her mouth shut," Eleanor said grumpily, "Why did you talk to her?"

"I'm bloody well glad I did," Serena tried to keep her composure but the thought of Eleanor of trying to kill her baby with alcohol was disturbing, "You knew you were pregnant…and apparently you've been drinking a lot."

"It was either that or pills off the internet," Eleanor twiddled with her hair now she was nervous.

"You could've come to me," Serena went onto the motorway, "Eleanor all the times I've said you can talk to me."

"I know you don't believe in abortions, I didn't know what to do…so I panicked and I drank and drank."

"Oh Eleanor," Serena pulled into a woods, "You should've told me I could've helped you."

"I bet Serena made me sound awful," Eleanor sighed, "I've been selfish."

Serena took off her seatbelt and also Eleanor's, "Come on let's go for a walk."

"I don't feel like walking," Eleanor put her knees to her chest, "I've been so horrible. I panicked anxiety and fear took over my common sense I just went straight for the bottle, I sound like such an alcoholic."

That comment made Serena laugh out loud, "Oh Eleanor the amount of times I've turned to the bottle…you just panicked that's all."

"My anxieties have been coming back," Eleanor said to her mother, Serena got out of the car and opened Eleanor's door, "I don't want to walk."

"Out," Serena wanted them to take a walk and go somewhere, where Serena thought was nice to think about things, "I want to take you somewhere."

"Where are we going?" Eleanor asked.

"Just follow me."

…

At home Edward was trying to watch the T.V. , "Daddy when is Mummy and Ellie coming home?" Kyla asked she was missing them and was hungry, "Ellie said she'd read me a story."

"Mummy and Ellie have gone out for a bit," Edward told his three year old, "OK they'll be back soon."

"Why didn't they take us?" Kyla asked and she got off the sofa and folded her arms, "Why?"

"I think mummy and Ellie just needed to have some girl time…OK they'll be back soon," Edward walked over to Kyla, "We can have fun."

"But we need mummy and Ellie to have fun," Kyla rubbed her eyes tiredly, "We need mummy."

Edward noticed the tired tone and picked her up, "You're tired Kyla."

"No," Kyla yawned rubbing her eyes, "I'm not tired…I'm not tired."

"Come on I'll warm you up some milk and you can have a nap," Edward got the blanket and pillow from behind the sofa.

"No what if…what if mummy and Ellie come back whilst I'm asleep?" Kyla began to cry overtiredness was beginning to show, "No, nooooo."

"Yes," Edward put his foot down and Kyla cried tears rolling down her cheeks, "Daddy make you milk and you can sleep."

"Noooo," Kyla argued throwing a tantrum she kicked her legs and screamed, "No daddy, nooo daddy."

Edward walked away into the kitchen and picked up the phone, and dialled Serena, "Hello?" Serena picked up her phone.

"Kyla's overtired," Edward said down the phone, "She's crying and wants you and Ellie."

"Well I'm with Ellie at the moment I need to talk to her, it's important can you try and put her down for a nap?" Serena looked over at Eleanor she looked in pain, "Edward I'm going to have to ring you back."

"Serena-" Edward was cut off by a 'beeeeeep', "Kyla mummy and Ellie will be back soon," Kyla was now asleep stretched out on the sofa, "Kyla?" Edward walked in to find her asleep, "Finally." He pulled the duvet cover over her and sat back down, he couldn't have the TV on load so it meant he had to try and hear.

…

"Mum my stomach's cramping," Eleanor looked terrified, "Mum?"

Serena knew the signs and Eleanor looked terrified, "OK I'm going to need to get you to Holby darling."

"No," Eleanor shook her head she was panicking, "No mum please."

"Eleanor listen to me," Serena took her daughter's hands, "You're losing blood, I need to get you to the nearest hospital and right now that's Holby. Trust me."

"OK," Eleanor wrapped her arms around her mother, "Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere," Serena walked them back to the car and drove as quick as she could to Holby.

…

Once there Jac ran over, "What's happened?"

"Long story just get her down to Obs and Gynae," Serena ordered Johnny ran with a wheelchair, "Just don't ask questions."

"Mum don't leave me."

…

In Obs and Gynae Eleanor got seen to straight away and Mr T performed an ultrasound, "I'm sorry but-"

"It's fine," Eleanor didn't look at the screen and felt two tears slide down her face, "Just leave it."

Serena looked at Mr T and he didn't know what to say to the young woman, "Eleanor I would like you to treat this as grieving process," Mr T said kindly, "OK if you want I can contact your University and give them a medical note."

"No," Eleanor widened her eyes, "It's fine…I'm studying Psychology so I can use my knowledge too…"

"Ellie," Serena walked over and took her daughter's hand, "You need to treat this as a grieving process and they a long time. It's not a quick recovery I want you to take some time away from your University until you get your head together."

"I can't," Eleanor shot up but she felt pain and had lie back down, "I need to do this mum…I need to."

Serena comforted her grieving daughter, "OK," Serena rubbed her back, "Don't worry mummies got you."

"This is all my fault," Eleanor cried and held on tight to her mother, "I killed my baby…I killed my baby."

"I would advise she stays-"

"No I'm a doctor I know how these things work," Serena said angrily to Mr T who took a step back, "She's better off with me."

"Of course sorry Mrs Campbell," Mr T said nervously, "You will experience pains like your menstrual cramps, and bleeding will continue for a week or ten days if you continue to bleed you may need to come back so we can see if there's any uterus tissue left in your womb, I suggest five hundred milligrams or paracetamol if they don't have any affect take NSAIDs Ibuprofen, I also suggest heat to naturally help with the pain and support from friends and family."

"You think I'm just going to leave her to grieve by herself?" Serena asked with an eyebrow raised.

"No of course not," Mr T said nervously to Serena, "Once again I am sorry."

…

Serena and Eleanor arrived home, "What are you going to say to dad?" Eleanor asked weakly, "He's going to go mad at me."

"No, no, no, no, no," Serena got out of the car and walked over to Eleanor's car side, "He won't."

"I've killed my baby," Eleanor said again and Serena unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Come on darling I'll make you a hot water bottle and give you some ibuprofen OK," Serena stepped aside so Eleanor could get out of the car, "Woah," Serena stabilized Eleanor as she swayed a bit.

"I'm sorry," Eleanor leant her head on the top of the car.

Edward walked out and ran over, "What's happened?"

"I'll explain inside," Serena made sure Eleanor got inside OK, "How's Kyla?"

"Upstairs playing now she had a good hours kip," Edward guided Eleanor into the living room, "What's happened?"

"Lie down there darling," Serena helped Eleanor onto the sofa, "Stay with her," Serena said to Edward, "I'll be back in a minute."

"Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy," Kyla came running in happily, "You're home!"

Serena lifted Kyla up and Kyla gave her a kiss and hug, "Can you do me a big favour?"

"What?" Kyla asked curiously.

"Can you give your sister a big hug gently though," Serena put Kyla back down on the floor and Kyla walked over to Eleanor.

"Hug?" Kyla asked Eleanor, Eleanor sat up slowly and Kyla got onto the sofa, "Why you crying?"

"I'm just tired," Eleanor lied and she looked at her mother then back at Kyla, "I'm fine."

"Kyla make you better," Kyla gave Eleanor a hug and Eleanor hugged her back, "Feel better?"

Eleanor laughed and felt two tears slide off her cheeks she was feeling pain physically and emotionally, the consequences of her panic and anxiety was coming alight. She wanted to cry, shout, scream, hide, but the hug she was receiving off Kyla was somewhat comforting.

"Ellie?" Kyla pushed for an answer.

"I'm OK," Eleanor held Kyla gently feeling the comfort from her sister, "I'm OK."

Serena returned with a hot water bottle and two ibuprofens, "Take these," Serena dropped the two white oval shaped tablets into Eleanor's hand, "Do you want something to eat or drink?"

"No," Eleanor nestled her head into the pillow Kyla jumped down bored and confused, "I just want to block everything out."

"Do you want me to stay in your room tonight?" Serena asked gently Edward was confused, "I'll explain later," Serena said to Edward, Edward stood up and knelt down beside Eleanor.

"I don't want to act like a child," Eleanor mumbled through the pillow.

Serena sat down next to her eldest and rubbed her back, "I'll stay with you."

"Mummy when can Ellie read me a story?" Kyla asked her eyes all sparkly.

Eleanor couldn't let her sister down and it was a good distraction, "How about now?" Eleanor sat up slowly, "What story do you want?"

Kyla ran over to her book box and pulled out: _Goldie Locks and The Three Bears, _"This one," Kyla sat next to Eleanor and pointed to the book.

"Good choice," Eleanor said to Kyla and Kyla smiled. In some ways Eleanor thought that her dad was right Kyla was the connection they needed and she seemed to be a good source of comfort as in she gave great hugs, also a good great excuse when it came to knowing about children's programmes.

**A/N: Second chapter is up I'm sorry for the depressing part in it but unfortunately for this to work it needed to happen ): anyway let me know what you think xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologize beforehand because of the graphic description (not in a sexual way) because some might find it upsetting, but it's how grief in some cases is dealt with and anyway I'm sorry if I upset anyone xx**

Serena was bathing Kyla and talking to Edward, "So that's why she's home then?" Edward was leant against the door frame going through his phone, "She's running away from her problems?"

Serena squeezed L'Oreal Kids shampoo onto her hand and massaged it onto Kyla's hair, "She's not running away, it's just complicated."

Edward put his phone back in his pocket and then walked into the bathroom, "For a Psychology student she didn't think much about her mental health."

"Edward," Serena warned him, she filled the jug up with water and washed away the shampoo, "Close your eyes." Kyla closed her eyes tightly whilst the shampoo poured off her long hair and then got a towel ready, "Right misses out you get," Serena lifted Kyla out and wrapped her in the towel.

"I've always thought Eleanor was sensible that's all," Neither of them realised Eleanor was stood in the doorway listening.

"You think I planned this to happen?" Eleanor argued in the doorway, "You think I planned for me to get pregnant and then lose the baby?"

"Eleanor," Edward tried to calm his grieving daughter, "Listen-"

"No!" Eleanor shouted, "I didn't plan for this to happen and I feel horrible but I did not plan for this to happen…I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations," Eleanor stormed off into her room.

Serena gave Edward the: 'Well done' look and handed Kyla to Edward, "I'll sort it."

Eleanor was laid on her bed hugging her pillow crying and in pain, "Go away," Eleanor turned around and Serena despite Eleanor's request, she entered.

"It's OK," Serena sat on the end of the bed and looked at Eleanor, "Listen…he was just shocked."

"He hates me," Eleanor tensed up as the pain came back, she pulled her knees up to her chest still laid sideways, "But it doesn't matter I hate myself."

Serena knew how grief was you had some many emotions and you couldn't control them, Serena walked around and laid down next to Eleanor, "Don't hate yourself."

"Do you think…do you think the foetus felt anything…when it was dethatching from my womb?" Eleanor felt her eyes welling up she had done this, Eleanor was thinking, "I killed my baby."

Serena pulled Eleanor into a hug and Eleanor tensed up again, "Miscarriages are unexplained at this early stage," Serena stroked her hair, "OK."

"But if I hadn't drank much, if I had spoken to you if I had done all those things-"

"Don't do this Eleanor," Serena said softly, "Going back on what if's is not the answer," Serena pulled away and dried away tears, "Trust me I know."

"Did you do that when you lost your dad?" Eleanor looked up, "Thought of what if's?"

"Yeah and it was the biggest mistake I made…it hurts I know," Serena slid down and turned to Eleanor, "When I went on what if's I pushed everyone away, your dad, James, George, Amelia and I turned to other methods of coping."

"What methods?" Eleanor asked her voice barley audible.

"Drink for one ask your father he'll tell you, then when your dad hid all the alcohol to the point where he told shops not to serve me."

"Were you that bad?" Eleanor asked shocked.

"Why do you think I gave James so much grief? Sometimes I wonder if my grief was the reason why your dad cheated on me…well bar the amount I worked, the less time we spent together, I kind of buried him with all the childcare-"

"So it's my fault?" Eleanor asked sounding annoyed, "I'm the reason why you and dad split up," Eleanor turned the other way.

"Ah," Serena stop Eleanor from turning away from her, "No I didn't say that…I landed him with most of the childcare. Workaholic."

"Self-confessed?" Eleanor asked, "Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Course I will," Serena reassured Eleanor, "Speaking of leaving your dad with childcare."

"You left him to get Kyla into bed didn't you?" Eleanor laughed Serena nodded, "Want me to help?"

"No you need to rest I'll bring you up another hot water bottle and do you need any more sanitary pads?" Serena asked.

"Yeah I need thick ones I'm bleeding heavily," Eleanor got under her covers and pulled her blanket up over her, she hugged her spare pillow.

"OK I'll go to the shops in a minute," Serena closed the door and after Serena was gone Eleanor crawled out of bed and walked over to her desk, she pulled her draw open and took a piece of broken glass out from inside her draw. Eleanor looked over at her purple wall and swallowed the lump in her throat.

Eleanor sat on her window sill she shut the curtains and pulled up her sleeve, she wanted to stop feeling emotional pain and physical pain seemed the perfect solution her clear, pale arm was shaking as she pushed the sharp part onto her forearm. At first she scratched back and forth dead skin peeling away whilst the pain of the scratching distracted her from feeling guilt and anger, she looked down and saw blood it wasn't bleeding out or dripping down her arms but it was there a distraction she dug deeper into her skin finally breaking it, she stopped scratching and began to run the sharp edge of the glass across her forearm finally seeing blood pour out and down onto the white, plastic windowsill. She cried to herself as the pain got too much, but it was a relief the blood was taking the pressure off her mental state; which was filling her now fragile and venerable mind with dark, dark thoughts. She saw the wound that was now bumpy and red inside, this if Eleanor had been listening carefully during the lectures on depression and mental health states this, what she was doing, would be a definite call for a Psychiatrist or less dramatically a counsellor. As the dark thoughts filled her head again she ran the glass again over another part of her arm, she had worked out that if she needed to get this looked at in private cutting sideways was the easiest way for nurses to stitch up. She noticed how close the glass was to her veins she was in pain, but not enough to let her mother find her bleeding out. So she moved further up and started the routine again, tears dripping off her nose and the pain was unbearable even for her standard she dropped the glass and breathed in and out, find some hand gel she kept for her train ride as train toilets are disgusting, the clear aloe Vera gel stung her open wounds to stop herself from yelping or any indication she was in pain Eleanor squeezed her fingers into her hands watching her knuckles turn white, and when the pain settled down she pulled her sleeve down, as the fabric brushed against her wounds she sat looking out the window.

Eleanor was in her own world then she saw her mother getting into the car to go to the shop. Eleanor slowly leant her head against the cold window, blood was still weeping from her wound showing clearly on the sleeve of her yellow cotton jumper. Eleanor panicked wondering how she was going to keep it from her parents and sister so, without a second thought a hoddie was the best option she pulled off her cotton jumper flinching as the cotton peeled off her wounds and pulled her University hoddie over her. Then she laid back down on the bed and buried herself under the covers, rolling up her thick hoddie sleeve Eleanor studied the wounds various sizes and depths. One was deep not deep enough for stitches, she observed and saw that it was white, white as in she had cut away at the skin and into the tissue, Eleanor looked at another feeling slightly ill and saw the others weren't as deep but still bleeding and each blood drip was a relief but for how long?

**A/N: I'm sorry if anyone has been affected by this it's very graphic but as I wrote this I found myself getting weepy eyes. Let me know what you think unfortunately sometimes grief is dealt like this and sadly it's a relief for a very short while…but anyway let me know what you think. Some things I write upset others that don't upset me I've got tough exterior and interior ha **

**xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm sorry for the depressing last chapter and I'm sorry if anyone was upset by it xx**

Serena returned from the shop with a packet of Always Maxi Night Pads and Cura-Heat Period Pain stick on pads. It was now dark and luckily her thinking ahead plan for Kyla's birthday everything was all prepared; a meal with herself, Edward, Eleanor but now under circumstances it was whether she was up to it or not, Adrienne, Elliot, Jac, Johnny and of course Isobel who got on very with Kyla, Sacha and Mo were coming along with, James, Amelia and George.

Since finding out that Johnny was in fact a relative of hers, and because Kyla and Isobel got on very well they had spent a lot more time together; especially at Christmas and New Years and what came with Johnny was a certain loud and happy Registrar, along with a kind hearted, bubbly, caring Registrar so everyone was now connected in one way or another.

Serena walked through the door to a nice warm house and Edward cooking in the kitchen, "Why you in the kitchen?" Serena asked she joked about sounding angry.

"Try this," Edward stood away from the stove and hovered the wooden cooking spoon to her mouth, "It won't kill you."

"Fine," Serena opened her mouth and tasted a little, "Good I like it."

"See knew you'd like it," Edward poked her nose and pulled her into a kiss, "Can't believe it's been nearly four years."

"I know," Serena said sadly, "This time four years ago I was the size of a house and eating shit loads of crap."

"And crying at the most random things," Edward reminded her, "You weren't that big either…even though you ate a lot of Nutella."

"Are you mad at Ellie?" Serena asked concerned that if what happened would cause a chink in their relationship.

"I'm not mad no," Edward wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her head, "I'll go and talk to her…it's just I thought she was more sensible."

"Edward it's nothing to do with sense or responsibility we can't say much…Kyla wasn't exactly planned," Serena pulled away from his grasp, "Speaking of Ellie I've got some stuff to give her."

"Want to talk to her together?" Edward suggested.

"It's urr women stuff," Serena raised an eyebrow which indicated none of his business.

"Oh well when you've given her the 'women stuff' can I talk to her?" Edward asked Serena pulled the bag off the side and walked upstairs, Eleanor's room was dimly lit by the beside light she had on and the sound of Ed Sheeran was playing.

Eleanor jumped when the door opened and pushed her hoddie sleeve down, "I'm fine."

Serena turned the iPod docking station off and walked over to the bed, "I got you Always Maxi Nights if those don't hold it…I can get you those Maternity pad things."

"Do you think they'll hold it?" Eleanor asked, "You know hold the blood?"

"Well how heavy are you right now?" Serena shut the door so they spoke in private, "You can talk to me…I'm a woman too."

"Quite heavy and I've still got stomach cramps…mum," Eleanor signalled for Serena to come over.

"Yes?" Serena laid down next to her.

Eleanor wanted to tell her mum about her stupidity earlier, it was stinging and blood was showing now through her hoddie sleeve but the words weren't coming. Instead she decided against it, "Nothing…it's fine."

"Ellie if you want to talk, talk," Serena then saw Eleanor's hoddie sleeve, her eyes grew and a million worse case scenarios flew across her mind, "Ellie what's that?"

"Old nail polish," Eleanor went to hide her arm but Serena grabbed it and the pain of the grasp made her yelp out, "Ouch," Eleanor said a bit too loud for her liking, "Get off."

"Eleanor," Serena said.

"I'm fine just leave it," Eleanor got off her bed and ran out, Serena huffed and went after her.

"Eleanor come back here," Serena ran down the stairs after her but luckily for her Edward sensed the tension and grabbed his daughter.

"Get off!" Eleanor shouted and she sunk to the ground, the noise had woken up Kyla.

"What's wrong?" Kyla asked sleepily, "Mummy!?"

"Oh well done you've managed to wake her up," Serena walked upstairs leaving Edward with Eleanor on the floor in tears, "Back to bed Kyla."

"Why's Ellie crying?" Kyla asked rubbing her eyes.

"She's just going through some big girl stuff," Serena guided Kyla back to bed, but it became apparent that Kyla's bedwetting still hadn't settled, "Kyla is there something you need to tell mummy?"

"No," Kyla lied she pulled the duvet cover over the wet patch, "Nothing."

Serena knelt down to her level and looked at her softly, "It's nothing to be ashamed of darling."

"I don't wake up," Kyla looked down at the floor her bottom lip trembling, "It just happens."

"Well done for telling me," Serena smiled, "Did daddy give you milk earlier?"

"He said it would make me sleepy," Kyla admitted.

"Yes well daddy isn't very good with tactfulness…now don't be ashamed darling, Ellie wet the bed up until quite late."

Eleanor wet the bed up until nine years old but that's because all the time her parents were at each other's throats, she was out of the picture. So when she did wet the bed Serena put it down to laziness until one night Serena observed Eleanor to confirm she was in fact being lazy but all through the night Eleanor didn't wake up once which confirmed – once again the great Serena Campbell had been wrong.

"Yeah but Issy doesn't," Kyla recalled how proud Jac and Johnny were when they got onto the subject, "Why do I?"

"Everyone's different," Serena said knowledgably, "OK."

"Did you wet the bed mummy?" Kyla asked innocently.

"No I didn't…but daddy might have," Serena knew that late bedwetting is mostly down to genetics but Eleanor's was due to being very unsettled.

"What does that mean?" Kyla asked she sat on her bed.

"It means that you might just need to go back into your drynites."

"No," Kyla disagreed going red, "No."

"Kyla," Serena tried to calm her embarrassed daughter, "Listen to me…it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"But…Issy doesn't so she'll probably laugh at me."

"Issy won't laugh at you," Serena knew how lucky Jac was to have such a kind hearted daughter, considering her own upbringing Jac and Johnny had done well, "And if she does she knows her mummy and daddy won't be too happy. We've just got to train you to wake up during the night OK."

"OK," Kyla agreed reluctantly, "How long is Ellie staying?"

"It might be for a while because Eleanor's a bit sad right now," Serena didn't go into detail how do you explain to a basically four year old, her older sister had drank loads, lost her baby and now it looked like she had either cut herself on purpose or by accident and now she was downstairs in tears? Exactly you can't say to a four year old all that, "So she needs lots of hugs and kisses."

"Ellie's bolted," Edward popped his head through the door, "I tried to stop her she kicked in the privates."

"Can you change Kyla's bed sheet and put her into a dry night?" Serena was worried now, "Ellie's hoddie had blood on the sleeve."

"What?" Edward leant his hand against the door, "Do you think?"

"Oh I don't know what I think…I'm going to have to have to call Alasdair and Serena also Gabby, this is not right."

"You think they've got issues?" Edward asked.

"More than 'issue's' get Kyla settled again, I'll find Ellie and then we talk to her…whilst you're at it call Serena she's the oldest and wisest."

"OK," Edward kissed her on the lips, "Bring Ellie back safe please."

…

Serena was worried she wasn't stupid she had seen how some people deal with grief, and being a doctor she knew what that blood was from and the thought made her feel sick.

Eleanor was sat in the park on the left swing breathing in the cold fresh air, she heard the sound of kids outside shouting, dogs barking and cars driving by. Then much to her surprise she heard a familiar voice.

"Issy," Johnny shouted running across the field, "It's late remember stay with daddy."

"Look daddy," Issy pointed to the swings, "Isn't that Ellie?"

Johnny recongized her from anywhere, "Yes it is….come on let's go see her," Johnny picked Issy up and walked over, "Evening."

"Hi," Eleanor said quietly, "Hi Issy."

"You OK?" Johnny sat on the other swing and put Issy on his lap.

"Yeah I'm fine," Eleanor lied she was not fine she was in pain physically and emotionally.

"Now I may not be studying Psychology, but I am a nurse and it's my responsibility to be caring…so Eleanor what's wrong?" Johnny looked concerned he knew something was not right and he was going to dig deep, "You have to remember I am married to the almighty Jac…and if I can get her to talk I can get you."

Eleanor suddenly felt anger she furiously got off the swing the chain rattled, "You don't know me, you don't need to know me, I am fine…you're just a snooping little Jock who should get lost."

Johnny shook his head and put Isobel on his hip and stood up, "Eleanor," he grabbed her cut wrist which made her flinch, "Why you shouting at me?"

"Because since when did you call me Jock?" Johnny asked confused.

"Because you are one and let go," Eleanor ripped her wrist from his grasp and had to stop herself from crying out, instead she gripped onto the end of the hoddie arm and pulled it down further, "Now just go away."

"Talk to me if I let you go your mum will not be happy with me," Johnny looked over at the roofed bench area, "Now I've got to talk Issy home-"

"You said we can go to the park," Issy said disappointedly frowning just like her mother, "Daddy."

"Ellie's a bit unhappy so daddy has to talk to her, else Serena won't be happy."

"Fine," Issy agreed to being taken home and then five minutes later Johnny returned.

"Right," Johnny said to Eleanor.

"Why you so bothered Johnny?" Eleanor walked over to the roofed benched and placed her knees to her chest, "I'm not your problem…we may be somehow related but Jac and Issy are your problem."

"And I've seen you upset," Johnny sat down next to her, "So if I don't help you…what kind of relative am I?"

"You can't help me," Eleanor rested her chin on her knee bones, "No one can help me."

"You know," Johnny began Eleanor sighed heavily, "I find talking about things help…I just don't like pity."

"Same," Eleanor laughed lightly but it wasn't a humorous laugh, it was a bitter laugh.

"So if I promise to not give you pity will you tell me?" Johnny reasoned and Eleanor looked at the red fences around the park, "Eleanor."

"Look it's nothing I'm fine," Eleanor was getting bored now Johnny knew she could be stubborn, and it annoyed her.

"Has something happened with your mum or dad?" Johnny was going to get to the bottom of it.

"No," Eleanor tilted her head back and got off the bench and paced around.

…

Serena decided to walk first to try and find Eleanor as she knew if she drove and Eleanor saw the car, she would run Serena knew her daughter too well.

…

Johnny walked over to Eleanor and stood next to her, "Talk to me."

"You'll hate me," Eleanor knew if she told Johnny what had happened he would be mad, because this was a tough subject.

"You don't know that," Johnny said kindly.

"Look it's none of your business and you'll end up hating me so…there's point in me telling you," Eleanor walked away but then she saw her mother, "Oh great."

Serena half walked and half ran over to Eleanor, "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Serena shook her daughter, "Well?"

"I'm just going to go…I tried," Johnny walked off leaving the mother and daughter to talk. Serena folded her arms and Eleanor looked down at the ground.

"Eleanor you are talking to a doctor…I know what that blood is from," Serena watched Eleanor clench her fists in anger, "Talk to me," Serena sat on the cold bench and Eleanor stayed stood up she looked up at the night sky, "Eleanor…why?"

Eleanor turned to face her mother, "Because it...was going to help."

Serena tilted her head back in frustration and then stood up Eleanor backed away, "Look at me," Serena then turned Eleanor's face to her, "Look at me Eleanor."

"It helped," Eleanor moved her eyes downwards and has she did tears dripped out of her eyes, "It helped me."

"Yeah and it's also going to cause you to get infections," Serena turned her medical brain on she knew if left untreated they could get dirt in them leading to infections, "How does it help?...Ellie how does it help?"

"Physical pain takes away mental torment," Eleanor explained her reasons but then she dissolved into tears, "I'm sorry," Eleanor fell to the ground, "I'm sorry mum."

Serena knelt down and cradled her daughter, "It's OK…I'm going to help you get through this Eleanor," Serena said gently whilst rubbing her daughter's back, "Your dad and me will help you."

"You must hate me…he must hate me," Eleanor cried.

"We don't hate you," Serena carefully pulled away and then stood up holding out her hand, "Come on…we'll go home and talk to your dad then I'll stay with you tonight."

"OK," Eleanor stood up and held onto her mum's hand, "Hope you don't mind."

"Why would I?" Serena asked.

…

They reached the door and Eleanor tensed up letting go of her mum's hand, "It's OK," Serena reassured then she opened the door, "Hey," Serena said to Edward.

"Just managed to get Kyla back off to sleep," Edward looked at Eleanor but it wasn't to accuse her it was out of worry, "You silly girl."

"Please don't shout," Eleanor begged then Edward walked over and pulled her into a hug, "You must be so disappointed in me."

"No," Edward said calmly, "I'm not mad…I'm a little shocked though."

"So in other words you are disappointed in me stop sugar coating it."

Edward went into the living with Serena and Eleanor then shut the door, "I can't say I'm proud…but I want you to know I'm not angry, I'm not disappointed I'm just shocked. You know your mum would've helped you but I'm not allowing you to do ifs and buts."

"We guessed about the cutting though…I'm not stupid you think you can hide that from me?" Serena raised an eyebrow, "I don't want you to deal with this like you have…you're going to stay here for a bit," Serena saw Eleanor was about to disagree, "Ah," she raised her hand, "If you think I'm going to allow you to go home when this has happened…then I think you need to retake a Psychology subject."

"I just want to go to bed," Eleanor looked down at the floor, "Oh I still need to wrap Kyla's present and other things."

"Calm down," Edward said concerned, "You leave Kyla to us…she's only little."

"With a very inquisitive mind," Eleanor reminded, "Luckily she hasn't discovered batteries yet...like me."

"She's not going to either…I'll bring you up a hot water bottle OK and then I'll stay with you," Serena opened the door, "We'll get you through this Ellie."

"Do you promise?" Eleanor wanted a promise off them to help her, to get her through this, to do all the things she needed support with.

"Of sweetheart," Edward nodded and Eleanor walked up the stairs, she looked into her sister's room she looked so peaceful, innocent and sweet. Everything right now Eleanor wished she was, but she was an adult who still wanted the support off her mother and father, she was still their daughter and will never stop being their daughter.

…

"Sure you don't want me to talk to her?" Edward asked from their bedroom, "She may open up to me."

"Edward," Serena turned to him, "This is something really only a woman can understand…she's lost a baby not just a baby hers, yes she may not have wanted a child yet but it was still hers."

"OK," Edward kissed her goodnight, "Do you think she'll come to the meal tomorrow?"

"Does Ellie ever let Kyla down?" Serena asked in all fairness in the four years of Kyla's life, Eleanor had always been a hands on sister. Right from the start even though she had been away at University most of the time she always made sure when she came home, they would have time together.

"No," Edward agreed knowing how much Eleanor adored Kyla, "She's always been great with her…hey maybe you can cheer Ellie up by putting on Balamory?"

That was actually a good suggestion off Edward, and even though she knew he was joking it was a good idea, "That's the smartest thing you've said all evening."

"I was joking Serena," Edward frowned but he knew she knew he was but it was an idea brewing in her head.

"I know but it's the smartest thing you've said all evening," Serena kissed his head and Edward kissed her back, "What was that for?"

"Because you think you're a rubbish mum…but you're not," Edward stroked her cheek, "But you're seriously going to put on Balamory?"

"Got a problem with the programme?" Serena raised an eyebrow, "I seem to recall I caught you watching The Clangers once when we were together in the 90s."

"Bagpuss?" Edward said laughing, "I recall catching you watching it."

"Anyway," Serena walked over to the door, "I'll see you in the morning…about five or six most probably."

"_What's the story in Holby City?" _

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Serena walked out then it clicked to her that he said Holby City, "Hang on where'd you get that from?"

"Sacha heard you humming the theme and then told Johnny so there's a little surprise waiting for tomorrow," Edward winked then turned around, "Not my fault."

…

Serena walked into Eleanor's room and sat down, "I know you're not going to be cheered up completely but…I have a distraction."

"What's that?" Eleanor asked sadly she was hugging her hot water bottle.

"Blame your father he joked but I took into consideration," Serena went to Eleanor's video cupboard, "Time to find out what's the story in Balamory."

"You are joking?" Eleanor asked laughing, "Really?"

"Like I said blame your father…it's either this or I make you suffer with In The Night Garden."

"No Balamory's fine," Eleanor agreed quickly, "But why?"

Serena placed the video into the video player, "Ever just wanted to go back to the easy life?" Serena laid next to Eleanor.

"All the time," Eleanor answered, "Kyla's got no idea what the world is about, if only I can go back to those days."

"I know what you mean," Serena empathised, "Oh I'm going to get tormented at work tomorrow."

"Why?" Eleanor asked confused.

"Sacha heard me humming Balamory…What's the story in Holby City I'm going to get," Serena heard Eleanor laugh quietly, "Shut up."

"That's great…oh wait '_Here's Mrs Campbell to get us in order but where does it all begin? Is it busy, quiet, noisy or operating in a rush? Is today to rush around and scream, or chill out with a cup of tea? Oh what's the story in Holby City wouldn't you like to know? What's the story in Holby City tell me where it will go!" _

"Very funny," Serena laughed though it was a good description of Holby, "Write that down I like that."

"Really? Sure you're OK?"

"I should be asking you that…write that down though," Serena then turned off the bedside light, "See you've already been distracted."

"If it takes Balamory to distract me you know what to get me for my birthday," Eleanor joked which made Serena laugh, "Joking."

"Too late anyway we'll get you through Kyla's birthday tomorrow…then we'll have a talk OK, but first Eleanor do you need me to take a look at your…cuts?"

"No it's fine I put antibacterial stuff on them…but it's fine," Eleanor felt uncomfortable talking about her cuts and went very quiet.

"Are you sure?" Serena asked.

"I don't need them looked at," Eleanor put her defences up – clearly got that off her mother.

"Eleanor let me look," Serena approached carefully, "I just want to make sure they're clean."

"No," Eleanor pulled her hoddie sleeve down further, and then went under her covers, "Just can we watch the programme?"

Serena knew Eleanor wouldn't budge so she got under the covers and allowed Eleanor to hug into her, "You'll be OK…we'll all make sure you are."

"I don't know mum. I'm fed up with always being OK."

"I know how you feel," Serena again empathised as far as everyone knew Serena was always OK. Hit her down hard enough it only shattered her glass a bit, but hit her twice as hard it broke her and only twice she had been shattered: First time when her dad died second time when Edward left first time. Now her daughter was going through the same experience grief had shattered her, she was not going to allow history to repeat itself if there was something up with her and Alasdair; it was going to get sorted. One way or another. Serena was going to not allow history repeat itself.

**A/N: Hope this is OK let me know what you think it's a bit depressing once again but I hope it's OK. Also who used to watch Balamory? Meeeee! I loved it I always watched it on my videos when I was ill or sad so hence why I added Balamory ha. xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

Eleanor woke up early on Kyla's birthday not because she was excited for it, she was in pain the cuts on her wrist were red and bumpy. She hadn't noticed how bad they were because she hadn't looked at them since late evening last night and now she was feeling the guilt and pain again, she had said to herself that she wouldn't do anything like this on Kyla's special day, but she remembered how relieved she felt when the blood released itself from her body; she wasn't thinking straight the only way to relieve her of her guilt was to cut herself again. Slowly she got out of bed and walked over to the draw she removed the glass slowly and quietly from the draw, then made her way downstairs and out into the garden. It was still dark outside and guessing by the cold morning air it was very early maybe three or four am. Eleanor walked right down to the shed and hid herself inside the shed was where Edward did his hobbies: writing, carving wood and occasionally if in the mood outside the shed he would make a fire with either Serena or Eleanor. Kyla was still not old enough to recognize the dangers so if she got too near it would be disastrous. Eleanor locked the shed and pushed herself up on the worktop and waited a few seconds before rerunning the glass over the already saw and painful wounds. Each cut was reopened bleeding heavily; each was much more painful than the last time it felt like she was in her own painful dark falling tunnel well and there was no way out. No way out whatsoever grief was overpowering her common sense and feelings then when she looked down at the first re-opened cut it was bleeding dripping down her arm, the second was white again she had gone down to tissue but blood was forming inside the cut, the third, fourth and fifth were new. Each cut formed a new scar and once again, she had yield to the weakness not because she wanted too, because she felt it was the only way.

…

Since the early morning Eleanor had kept herself to herself, despite being Kyla's birthday she didn't offer to play with new toys, watch new DVDs or anything instead she sat on the sofa laptop on her lap doing University work.

"Ellie why you not playing with me?" Kyla asked eyes beginning to get watery, Eleanor looked down to find her sister almost in tears.

"I've got work to do KyKy," Eleanor answered using the pet name she gave Kyla when she was a baby, "OK."

Edward heard the conversation and intervened, "Eleanor it's your sister's birthday come on even your mum's taking it easy at work..."

"Just because you and mum passed your exams all those decades ago, I still need to pass mine so if you excuse me," Eleanor stood with her laptop in her hands, "I have work to do unless you plan on me working behind a shop counter the whole of my life," and with that final word she climbed the stairs and shut her door. Then to save any arguments she decided not to come out until the evening. Her arm stung and stuck against the itchy fibres of her top, "Oww," she mouth expressing her pain but not loud so no one heard. Pain was something she would have to get used to both mental and physical, because grief is not an easy process and it hurts, hurts like someone ripping out your organs; placing them back in, leaving the wounds to get infected and not cleaning them or draining the puss leaving you to die.

…

Serena came home about five o'clock and her first thought was Eleanor even though, being Kyla's birthday it should be the first thing on her mind but a self-harming daughter, who is grieving, hurting both inside and out it's hard to think about something as special as a birthday.

"Mummy," Kyla ran over and Serena lifted her up, "Ellie hasn't come out of her room all morning or day…why won't she play with me?" Serena found her daughter to be selfish how could she think all about play when her sister was upset? But then she remembered her youngest was only four, it was her birthday, she had no idea, innocent and sweet that what Kyla was an innocent victim in this situation, "Is she still sad?" Kyla played with her mother's necklace, "'cause I have tried to cheer her up mummy."

"Yes darling she's still very sad, but," Serena put Kyla down, "It's our job to make her feel happy again…I need to go check on Eleanor OK but tonight we've got the meal to look forward too."

"Yeah and there's the play area that Issy can play with me with," Kyla got herself tongue tied, it was funny how a child's smile could light up your day even the darkest of days.

…

Serena walked upstairs to find Eleanor getting ready she had slipped her denim jacket over the black above the knee dress, "It's only five."

"Yeah well I need a distraction," Eleanor began to straighten her hair which was getting longer by the second, "And if you've come to tell me how I'm being selfish, horrible, mean, nasty go ahead," Eleanor ran the hair iron down a long piece of hair, "Because trust me I'd welcome that."

Serena shut the door and walked over she took the hair iron away and pulled Eleanor's hair back, then took the brush, "Why do you feel the need to straighten your hair?"

"'Cause it's…something to do," Eleanor shrugged and Serena sighed, "Sorry."

"Kyla said you wouldn't play with her," Serena brushed Eleanor's hair, "Ellie you've got to remember she's only little…she has no idea what's happening. I know it's hard trust me I know but just try and be your usual happy self and she's wearing the locket you got her."

"What do I do?" Eleanor tilted her head upwards and looked at her mother, "How can I be happy?"

Serena played with Eleanor's hair trying to think of a reasonable answer, "You will Ellie…it will take time, but you will feel happy again. Now I bumped into Elliot at work today and apparently your granny has invited Dr Konzinski along who is visiting again. Honestly."

"Great the mental health doctor," Eleanor rolled her eyes, "I get to be assessed by a Psych."

"No," Serena squeezed Eleanor's shoulders, "I'm just saying if you want…you can ring Gabby, isn't she home for a bit?"

"Yeah because she needed to get a certain text book," Eleanor then felt happier, "OK I'll text her."

"Good girl," Serena then went to go see Kyla, "Kyla would like you to play with her…she does adore you."

"Yeah right her fucked up sister," Eleanor looked out the window imagining what it must be like, to be a bird who flies south for the winter when things get too hot to handle, "Imagine being a bird…and flying away when it gets too hot. You know just imagine being able to spread your wings and fly."

"Well we're humans not birds…but come downstairs Ellie for me?" Serena raised an eyebrow, "Please."

"Only because it's Kyla," Eleanor smiled, "Mum."

"Yes?" Serena asked concerned.

"Thank you."

Serena's lips twitched in an attempt of a smile, "For?"

"Being supportive and not going mad…I'm sorry for everything," Eleanor leant against her bed and folded her arms but she momentarily forgot about the cuts, and winced as her sensitive red, cut, forearm hit against her other arm.

"Eleanor let me look," Serena shut the bedroom door then walked back over, "Look I won't tell anyone. Just please let me look."

Eleanor stayed arms folded not wanting to reveal the mess she had left her forearm in, "No."

A mother's prerogative and medical brain took over Serena, she forced Eleanor's arms apart and felt her daughter wince and saw tears build in her eyes, "I'm not letting go until you show me…it's against my medical judgement to not look."

"It's also against a patient's right to be forced to have treatment," Eleanor yanked out of mother's grasp but noticed blood on her sleeve and Serena noticed blood on her hands, "Mum," Eleanor saw fright in Serena's eyes, "Mum just go to Kyla's party…I need to stay here. I'm fine…OK."

"Eleanor Campbell if you think I am leaving you alone when you've been," Serena knew to use the medical term terminology, "Self harming," Serena said quietly.

"You're ashamed I knew it," Eleanor paced, "You're ashamed because you're medically trained and didn't pick up on it," Eleanor hit the window in frustration, "You thought you had it all two perfect children. Apart I'm not perfect and I never will be because you and dad spent all my life down each other's throats," Eleanor needed someone to blame, Serena knew this grief trick far too well she had done it on countless occasions after her dad died, "And you wonder why I do this."

Eleanor stormed out of her room and ran downstairs, "I can't go tonight," Eleanor told Edward.

"Why?" Edward asked angrily disappointed that Eleanor was letting down her sister.

"I just need to be alone…in fact I might go stay with Gabby for the night, I just," Eleanor gave an apologetic look to Kyla, "Kyla Ellie needs to do University Work with Gabby OK. Gabby can only do it tonight as she came home to get a book so tell you what," Eleanor walked over to her sister and knelt down to her level, "How about," Eleanor stroked Kyla's hair, "I take you somewhere special whilst I'm home? I don't know maybe to the cinema or somewhere?"

"So you can't come tonight?" Kyla asked her eyes went all sad, "Is it 'cause I'm still wetting the bed? Is it?"

"No," Eleanor laughed but then went all sympathetic, "Of course not Kyla…Ellie just has big girl school work to do and it takes a lot of time."

Kyla looked down at the floor then back up, "Cinema," Kyla nodded smiling, "I'll bring you back some birthday cake."

Eleanor hugged Kyla tight and picked her up, "OK so I take you to the cinema I get the most chocolate part of the cake?" Eleanor felt Kyla take her head away from her shoulder, "Deal?" Eleanor raised an eyebrow and so did Kyla.

"Deal," Kyla nodded and then wriggled down, "Love you Ellie."

"I gotta go OK," Eleanor took one last look at Serena, "I'm staying at Gabby's tonight."

Serena tilted her head back and walked down to the bottom step, "Eleanor Campbell come back here," Eleanor and ran out and made her way to Gabby's, "Oh god."

"What has happened?" Edward whispered harshly, "Is that?" he studied her hand, "That's not your blood."

"Exactly," Serena whispered, "She blames us for why she done it…grief talking."

"Right we get tonight over and done with," Edward smiled at Kyla, "Then tomorrow we talk to her, try and understand."

Serena nodded she then went to wash the blood off her hands and the three made their way to the restaurant. Painted smiles on their faces to make sure Kyla was not anymore affected by this. Whilst the kids were playing in the play area of the restaurant, Serena walked outside.

"Edward," Adrienne said across the table, "Are you sure everything is OK? Oh I hope you don't mind it's just. Sharon's visiting and I felt rude to not invite her."

"Oh trust me right now we could welcome a psychiatrist," Edward joked but Adrienne took it seriously, "Joking."

"Edward," Adrienne dragged out his name, "Tell me."

Sharon decided to intervene, "I can always have a word with Serena."

"Yeah she'll love that," Edward laughed, "No it's not Serena who needs her head looking at...I'm not going any further just if you see Eleanor anytime please just…be vigilant."

"Edward Campbell tomorrow we are having words," Adrienne said with a tone exactly like Serena's, "Now tonight is Kyla's night, if Eleanor wants to act like Kyla's age let her."

"I reckon there's more to Eleanor than her throwing a tantrum," Sharon added, "If you want I can have a word-"

"You'll do no such thing," Serena said angrily, "My daughter, I deal with her. Just like mum said it's Kyla's night," Serena looked over at Kyla playing with Isobel-Kayla both innocent and sweet throwing ball pit balls at each other, and going down the slides. This brought a smile to her face. Johnny was taking photos with James, George, Amelia and Ava. Childhood innocence doesn't last forever and soon Kyla will be a teenager ten years time she'll be fourteen, scary but true. So why was it that she envied Kyla and Isobel-Kayla for their innocence? Did Eleanor secretly envy them too? So to make the most of the night she joined the grownups in the play room.

"You OK?" James asked as he got hit by a ball, "Isobel did you just hit me?"

"No," Isobel-Kayla fell backwards, "It was my daddy."

"No it wasn't you cheeky little misses," Johnny jumped in and ticked her, "Tell James it was you."

"Mummmy!" Issy called, "Mummy daddy's squishing me…"

Jac came in arms folded smiling, "Naughty daddy."

"Aye," Johnny said grinning, "Hey Kyla," Johnny called to the other little girl, "Has your mummy taken you up to Scotland yet?"

"No," Kyla shook her head smiling, "Why?" she chucked balls over Johnny.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Johnny said jokingly, "Well this new year I'm taking Jac and Issy up…if you want Serena, your family can come I mean we are family."

Serena thought hard, "Yeah why not?" Serena said smiling, "Might do us good."

"All sorted then," Johnny turned on stomach and had the two four year olds land on him, "I'm being attacked help!" Johnny laughed as the tickled him, "Heeeeeeeeeelp!"

Whilst everyone was having fun Eleanor was sat with Gabby, "You know," Gabby handed Eleanor a bottle of Bulmers, "This isn't your fault Eleanor…it happens. Remember I had an eptopic pregnancy."

"I lied to my mum and Serena…which sounds weird because it sounds like I've lied to my mum twice," Eleanor poured the red cider into a plastic cup, "Anyway," she took a sip, "I've fucked everything up."

"Talk to me Els," Gabby said kindly, "Is it Alasdair?" Gabby saw Eleanor nod slowly, "Oh what's he done?" Gabby leant her head on the top of her cider bottle.

"If I tell you…you have to promise to not tell my mum, dad, Serena, Ava, Alasdair anyone," Eleanor grabbed Gabby's arm, "You swear."

"I swear," Gabby allowed Eleanor to rest her head on hers, "Go on tell me."

"I told him he made me take a test when it came back positive…it all kicked off. You and Serena were out, so we argued he got so mad…told me to get an abortion I didn't want it on my records, so that's when I went out drinking and I drank, and drank and drank, then I panicked as I saw bleeding so I came home. Obviously for Kyla's birthday but then I was all set to go back to Edinburgh after today, but I lost the baby and I've been scared to go back….because he's lovely when he's sober but he drinks Gabby," Eleanor began to cry, "He drinks and gets violent…"

"Eleanor does he hit you?" Gabby asked concerned, "Ellie look at me," Gabby turned her friend's face, "Does Alasdair hit you?"

"Only when he's drunk," Eleanor answered and she finally released the tears, "I've kept it from you and Serena…but when he's drunk he gets really violent. I caught him on a bad day when I told him about the pregnancy so…the only way I could get rid was to drink my baby to death, oh Gabby I drowned my baby," Eleanor felt Gabby put her arms around her, "I killed my baby, I killed my baby."

"Ellie it could've happened anyway," Gabby said gently, "OK it could've happened anyway."

"I killed my baby," Eleanor choked out and then the one thing she knew best to do, "I need to get drunk and forget."

"You need to get out of your relationship with Alasdair Ellie," Gabby took the drink away, "OK you need to tell Serena…OK tell Serena as in our Serena."

"No..she'll go mad she thinks Al is this sweet innocent man she won't believe me," Eleanor shook her head and sighed, "She won't believe me."

"Trust me Ellie she needs to know," Gabby looked out the window, "If not Serena…tell your mum."

"What?" Eleanor asked angrily, "My mum? You want to tell my mum?!"

"Eleanor," Gabby grabbed her friend's hands but then Eleanor winced, "Ellie?"

"Nothing," Eleanor looked away and saw fresh blood soaking into her jacket, Gabby saw too and the pair looked at each other.

"Eleanor let me look," Gabby demanded of her friend, "Now…Eleanor," Gabby shook her by the arms fearing for her friend's health.

Eleanor knew that the bleeding was not a good sign, she slowly removed her denim jacket, the blood had stuck to the sleeve and she had to painfully remove her arms from the sleeves. Her arm was covered in dry and fresh blood the big cut she caused this morning was deep and clearly needed stitches; a pool of blood was floating in the deep wound, Eleanor looked at Gabby, "Oh god," Eleanor said shaking.

"AAU now," Gabby said but Eleanor grabbed her wrist, "Oh no, no, no, no, you're going…you're going to lose blood."

"I need something to absorb the blood like my mum uses in surgery," Eleanor looked around but Gabby ran into her bathroom and came back with toilet tissue, "That'll have to do," she stuck the tissue into her painful open wound, "I'm going to die."

"No…but if we don't hurry up you will," Gabby hadn't meant to sound so dramatic but it just slipped out, "You stupid girl," Gabby said sounding really concerned, "What if you hadn't come here? Didn't your mum see?"

"I ran before she could look at it," Eleanor answered she held her arm up knowing what to do to stop a bleed, "Advantage of having medical trained parents…they teach you first aid, disadvantage they know the difference between accidental and purpose."

"Least no one you know is on tonight," Gabby said trying to sound comforting, "You know because Sacha is out, George, Amelia and James are so least no one knows you."

"That's comforting," Eleanor joked; but deep down she wanted someone who knew her there. She hoped Mary-Claire would be there, biggest blabber mouth ever but least she knew her. No doubt Mary-Claire would tell her parents tomorrow. Even Harry would do things weren't as awkward now they were able to be in the same room and not feel awkward.

**A/N: I apologize for the delay writers block halfway through haha let me know what you think am amazing amount of reviews may motivate me to update when I get back from my lessons! So I may have gone a little bit overboard but this is how it's going work this story. Also I apologize if any of the earlier writing especially the part where she self harms upsets you. Anyway like I said an amazing amount of reviews may convince me to write after my lessons hehe xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Gabby and Eleanor arrived at Holby City Hospital then Eleanor changed her mind, "Take us back it's fine."

"No you are getting that," Gabby pointed to the now wrapped in a make do bandage surrounding the cut, "Looked at and stitched up."

Eleanor regretted agreeing to being taken to AAU now, it was a stupid reason to go for, it was exactly what she wanted; to release all the pain and anger through physical pain, "Look we're wasting their time Gabby," Eleanor sighed and leant forward, "I don't need this looked at…so just take us back."

"Ellie I am no doctor but even I know when something needs looking at," Gabby then had to get out of the car as Eleanor got out, "Eleanor came back…" Gabby didn't even look at those who were staring, "Alright you listen to me!" Gabby grabbed Eleanor's arm and turned her around forcing her to look at her, "I don't know what's going on inside your head…but if this is to punish yourself for what happened, you're going to end up either dead or seriously ill."

"Then let me go," Eleanor shouted at Gabby and yanked her arm away, "Look what I done," Eleanor then walked straight up to Gabby, "I killed my baby…because he wanted me too, I was weak Gabby," Eleanor shouted right up in Gabby's face, "I've been weak look at me!" Eleanor unwrapped the tissue and showed Gabby her forearm, the pool of blood spilled out, "This is why I've done this…because I am trying to die Gabby. I killed my baby my own flesh and blood how does that make me feel do you think?"

"Ellie you need to calm down," Gabby was feeling worried now; was she being serious? Was Eleanor really considering killing herself. Gabby closed her eyes trying to make sense of the whole situation, "Please you're really freaking me out…get this looked at me."

"I just want to die," Eleanor said quietly she was feeling so trapped in all honesty for weeks she had been feeling trapped, Alasdair was very controlling, coursework was tough only because she had been falling behind and for months now she had been feeling depressed. Losing her baby was the final straw it had caused her to break; breaking like a vase that had been knocked off a table, "I just want to die Gabby…nothing makes sense anymore, I feel so lost and scared."

Gabby's eyes widened as her closest friend said those words, now in the position to ensure her friend got herself looked at but also, where she was safe.

…

Once in AAU Eleanor was immediately looked at, "Doctor Tressler can I have a word please?" Mary-Claire asked as she finished stitching.

"Going to talk to the doctor about me?" Eleanor asked and she raised an eyebrow, "You don't need to talk about me behind my back."

Mary-Claire looked at Gabby and she shrugged, then at Harry who folded his arms, "Look it's nothing to worry about."

"You think I'm a nutcase so you're going to tell Doccy Tressler all about the cuts on my arm, bet you wouldn't want me now eh Harry?" Eleanor watched as Harry went red, "Exactly so just go all of you," Eleanor turned around and curled up in a ball. This behaviour made all three feel concerned Mary-Claire stepped out with Gabby.

"Does Serena know about this?" Harry asked Gabby.

"I only saw the you knows today…you'll need to talk to Ellie…but I urmm I don't know how to explain this," As Gabby tried to blurt out about how Eleanor had said she wants to die, Eleanor had other ideas she had been way to calm for Gabby's liking; so whilst they were talking she slipped out of bed and slowly walked away then dug her hands into her pockets which she felt to be a box of something, "She told me earlier that she wants to…die."

Mary-Claire and Harry both looked to find her bed empty, "Harry she's gone," Mary-Claire looked around the ward to see any signs of Eleanor, "Weren't you keeping an eye on her?"

"No I was listening to what Gabby had to say…think," Harry knew this was bad he had lost Serena's daughter, and if she was about to seriously harm herself his job could be on the line.

Eleanor hid herself in the basement toilet the exact one that her mother and father had done a pregnancy test in. She locked the door.

"I'll call Psych," Mary-Claire said rushing to the phone, "You two get looking…Mr Spence!" Mary-Claire called over she put down the phone and ran over, "Have you seen Eleanor Campbell?"

Michael looked momentarily puzzled then it clicked, "No why?" he asked confused.

"I think she's gone to hurt herself," Gabby ran back over to Mary-Claire, "She was far too calm when you were stitching her up, and if I know her she's gone to hurt herself."

"Someone call Serena," Michael ordered, "I'll call Psych and have them on hold…party is over now Sacha texted me a minute ago."

"I'll call Serena," Mary-Claire dashed back over to the phone and flicked through the phonebook she dialled as quickly as she could.

Serena just finished putting Kyla to bed when her mobile rang, "Hello?" Serena walked out and shut the door.

…

Eleanor pulled out the packet which revealed two hundred milligrams of paracetamol a double packet box which she popped out each tablet and placed onto the top of the box. She wanted to die and forget everything her heart was racing, nasty thoughts were racing through her head, torments and flashbacks of times Alasdair had been horrible to her. Once he even knocked her out purely by accident but his strength when drunk combined with already well built body build, was hard to push him off and in result of her trying he pushed her back and she went flying into the wall. Eleanor breathed in and out sounding almost like she was pain, but this girl was in pain physically due to cuts, mentally due to allowing herself to be abused, hurt and fall into a deep dark hole. She thought of her family they were so happy; but she was going to ruin it all she was better off gone, dead and forgotten. Eleanor took the tablets and held them shakily in her hand considering whether to really do it or not she had learnt that more people overdose on paracetamol this was it – life or death? Eleanor did not know she was unstable in her mind.

Serena had called up her mother to look after Kyla whilst herself and Edward drove to the hospital, "Stupid girl she already has to ruin a special day…now she's trying to-"

"Edward SHUT UP!" Serena screamed at him she leant against the car, "I can't think like that….OK, I just can't."

"I've called James, George and Amelia they'll meet us there," Edward got into the car shaking as her reaction had been out of character, "Sorry I shouldn't have said that."

Mary-Claire, Michael and Gabby were searching around the hospital, "Think where does she go?" Michael asked Gabby.

"Mary-Claire," George came running over and grabbed her by the shoulders, "What happened?"

"George forget the questions just get fucking looking," James grabbed Amelia by the arm and ran with her, "Oh the stupid girl," James leant down grabbing his knee bones out of breath, "Amelia think where?"

Amelia tried to think she knew various places Eleanor would hide; cupboards, attics, bathrooms, sheds, "Bathrooms George go check the bathrooms every single bathroom you can think of."

Elliot and Sharon had caught wind of what had happened, they even pitched in, "Look the best thing to do is stay calm," Sharon said to Serena.

"Oh shut up," Serena snapped, "My daughter is possibly somewhere in this hospital, possibly lying dead or dying and you want me to stay calm?!"

"Yes," Sharon answered back, "Because if you're freaked out or in a state she will run do you hear me?"

"Serena I think you should listen," Edward said calmly, "OK we look everywhere…first place?"

Eleanor was still in the basement toilet considering, "Oh god," Eleanor leant her head on the door, "Oh god," she cried unable to catch her breath without choking out. George was walking down to the basement he had a hunch because once, Serena hid herself down the St George's basement after her dad had died. Her and Eleanor were alike too much alike so he had a hunch. He found the basement bathroom and leant his ear against the door, "Oh god," he heard Eleanor breathe in and out.

George's eyes grew wide with fear he moved the handle up and down which didn't open the door, Eleanor saw the handle move up and down, "Eleanor?!" George shouted, "Let me in…let me in!"

Eleanor stepped back unwilling to show herself she had the tablets still in her shaking hand, she held her hand close to her mouth ready to swallow them.

George paged everyone he knew to come help, "Eleanor let me in," George sounded tearful he had known this girl she was a few days old and to have her in this state was incredibly heartbreaking, "Please."

Eleanor placed her hand back down and leant against the door her forehead resting on the defaced door, "Leave me to die," Eleanor whispered.

"Eleanor please don't do this darling," George tried many ways to break the door handle off, "Please we can help you…Ellie."

"Just let me die," Eleanor cried she held her hand to her mouth shaking the pills rattling in her hand, outside Amelia was running towards the toilet door.

"George what's happened?" Amelia asked she had separated from James then when George tried to open the door, once again. It clicked to her, "She's in there isn't she?"

"I've paged everyone," George was breathing heavy in panic, "You can knock down doors right?" George asked Amelia who nodded.

"Yes..yeah I can," Amelia looked at the door, "Years of Karate and Tai Kwando do for you," Amelia balanced herself and kicked the door once with so much force, it opened the door.

The door hit Eleanor with force the pills flew out her hand she shielded her face she landed on the toilet, "YOU STUPID BITCH WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Eleanor screamed at Amelia, "NOOOOO…I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE!" Eleanor pushed Amelia off her, "I want to die," Eleanor said through choked tears.

Serena and Edward heard the screaming and ran as quick as they could, Edward covered his mouth with his hand and Serena consoled Eleanor, "I've got you," Serena put her arms around Eleanor and Eleanor's knees gave way from weakness and she collapsed to the ground, Serena sank with her, "It's OK I've got you.

Eleanor was in hysterics as she leant her head down, "I want to die…I WANT TO DIE!"

"It's OK," Serena held Eleanor as she fell down further falling sideways, "Baby I've got you," Serena held her in her arms trying to calm her, "Oh god."

"Why didn't you say at the table when Sharon offered to TALK TO HER!" James, George and Amelia turned on Edward seeing he wasn't the one consoling, "You idiot!" James pushed him in the chest.

Eleanor carried on screaming and crying, "I want to die mum…I want to die," Eleanor cried in shock of seeing this Gabby sank to the ground, "Muuum let me diiiie."

Serena stroked her hair as a medical team came running, "It's OK," Serena tried to soothe her daughter, "It's OK," stitches had came lose in Eleanor's arm as when she fell the sharp packet ripped across blood was pouring out, "Ellie it's OK," Serena held her tight and rocked her back and forth, "You don't want to die."

"5mg of Lorazepam let's get her up to Keller," Ric said as he had been paged especially since he seemed, to be another person who got Serena to agree to what was best.

"5mg of Lorazepam first," James corrected, "She's best to be calm before she gets up on a ward I reckon."

Serena looked up as Eleanor still cried on her continuously saying 'I want to die', "I think we better ring Serena and Alasdair and find out what the hell has happened…because I know my Eleanor, this is not just from the miscarriage."

"Alasdair," Gabby was biting her nails still in shock, "It's Alasdair…it's his fault," Gabby felt a tear run down her face, "It's all his fault."

Edward had asked George to give Eleanor the Lorazepam, Serena had agreed she trusted him, "OK," George filled the syringe with 5mg of Lorazepam which Mary-Claire had ran to get.

"Sure you're OK?" Ric asked George. George injected the sedative into Eleanor's lower back and she began to relax, "Nice work up to Keller…Serena she'll be OK," Ric saw the disapproving look on Serena's face.

"We need a talk before she comes round," Serena said to Gabby who was still slid down the wall, "I do not want this to happen again."

…

Finally up on Keller Eleanor was still knocked out from the sedative, Edward sat on the high back chair holding her hand, "I thought you were just being selfish…I'm so sorry," Edward couldn't believe what he had just witnessed, Eleanor had tried to kill herself and was now laid in a hospital bed under sedation, "I should have stopped you from leaving…I'm so sorry darling."

"Stop beating yourself up Edward," Michael advised, "It's not your fault," he did her obs, "OK these things unfortunately happen."

"I should've done more," Edward sighed and felt his eyes watering up, "My daughter just tried to kill herself and I missed the vital signs. I joked about how Sharon should talk to her…what kind dad am I?"

"Hey," Michael sounded disapproving, "You can't watch her twenty-four seven Edward…this is not your fault. There's an underlying problem here too one she's awake she'll be spoken to by Psych…oh just to warn you Sharon is going to want to speak to Rena."

"That'll go down well," Edward joked, "Oh god."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," Michael patted Edward's shoulder, "Hey go easy on him," Michael warned James, George and Amelia.

Amelia gave Edward a shoulder hug, George patted him on the back and James offered his hand out as an apology, "Sorry about yelling earlier…it's not your fault."

"You needed someone to blame I was there," Edward shrugged, "I feel like a failure…how did I not pick it up?!"

"Edward for goodness sakes stop this," Serena walked in with Gabby, "She won't be awake for a while…you can always grab a coffee."

"How did I miss it?" Gabby leant her forehead against the wall Serena sighed, "How? I live under the same roof…get in contact with Serena she needs to know…I don't care what she says."

"Oh I'm already one step ahead Serena will be here tomorrow," Serena walked over to Edward and put her arm around his shoulder, "It's not your fault," she whispered in his ear and kissed his head, "We both done wrong."

"It's not your faults," Gabby had to save them the pain of finding out from other sources, "Alasdair has caused this…look no matter what Serena and myself have been oblivious even Eleanor admitted it went on behind closed doors."

"Gabby what has happened?!" Serena demanded off the young woman, "Our daughter has just tried to kill herself please don't insult us."

"Alasdair's been abusing her," Gabby finally spat out Serena felt weak at the knees, James had to grab her to stop her from falling, "When he's drunk he's really nasty apparently…he forced her to get rid of the baby, she caught him on a bad day to tell him about the pregnancy he flipped on her. I only found out this evening OK so I haven't kept it from you," Gabby explained Edward had Serena's hand in a tight grip and Serena was actually crying, "Oh god."

"Serena," James knelt down and put his arm around her, "You weren't to know…it's OK."

Without a second thought completely out of character she wrapped her arms around James, just like she had done nearly twenty-three years ago after having Eleanor, she felt depressed and tired he was there for her. "How did I miss this?" she cried into James.

"You weren't to know," James looked at Edward anyone else who allowed Serena to stay in their arms and cry he would probably slap across the face, but Edward knew James; if he wanted Serena he would've dumped Jenna years ago and got right into her pants and bed, "Come on Serena calm down."

"I missed this I am a doctor and I missed my daughter's pain, I tried to get her to show me the cuts but she had none of it, and I let her go…I let her go. Oh god," Serena hadn't felt like this in ages it was a tightening in her stomach, she felt sick and tired.

Edward knew this was not good Serena never let her defences down, and now she was crying into James, Eleanor was lying sedated they were a family unit and right now the unit was broken and for a second he blamed Eleanor but then he felt sick for blaming her this wasn't her fault Eleanor was an innocent victim, just like Kyla both of his daughter's were innocent victims and himself and Serena needed to pull together for both girls, "Serena," Edward got off the chair and knelt down, "Serena look at me," Edward cupped her face in his hands, "If we are going to help Ellie…then we need to pull ourselves together," Edward leant his forehead on hers, "OK."

"Agreed," James added George and Amelia nodded, "Plus don't think you're going through this alone, every step of the way we'll be there."

"I'm not going anywhere," Amelia stood up and stretched, "If you want I can look after Kyla? James and George can stay with you."

"Thank you," Serena looked up at Amelia, Amelia held out her hand which Serena took and she stood up, "I best tell Elliot and Yankee Doodle number two that Eleanor's been found."

"No need," Sharon said from behind Serena, "Yankee Doodle number two is already here…"

"Look I didn't mean to snap at you at the restaurant or when we arriv-"

"You were scared Serena I understand," Sharon nodded she decided to read Serena, "And you also need rest I will happy talk to Eleanor-"

"No-"

"Serena," all four said in sync, "Let her finish," James ordered.

"I can talk to Eleanor and find out some of the problems that way she's not talking to a complete stranger," Sharon waited for an answer, "It's OK to be scared…it makes you human."

"Fine as long as it stops you talking in Psych language," Serena looked down at the floor, "How did I miss it," Serena whispered.

"Don't beat yourself up," Edward put his arm around her and Serena leant her head on his shoulder, "OK," he used his spare hand to rub her back, "We'll be fine."

"Accept Eleanor she just tried to kill herself and has been abused by the one person I thought was nice to her, and we missed it."

"Because she didn't tell us," Edward knew this wasn't down to them, but he felt responsible because he had to told her 'come to me for anything' and she didn't take the advice.

"Exactly," Serena pulled away, "What does that tell you Edward?"

"That we need to work on our communication skills with her?" Edward answered hoping that was the answer she was looking for.

"Yes and also that we've been too distant…we should've called more and checked up. I knew this would happen, she's five hours and forty-three minutes away I know she's not a child, but what gave me the right to think she'd be OK-"

"Serena stop," Edward placed his hands on her shoulders, "Eleanor is not a child, but…if she wants our help she knows we'll be there."

"Maybe we need to remind her," Serena walked over to the chair and sat down in it, "She needs to be reminded that we still care for her."

"When she's awake," Edward kissed Serena on top of her head, "OK…when she's awake."

**A/N: Think I went a bit overboard once again I am sorry if anyone has been affected by this I am sorry. Let me know what you think please review the more reviews I get I feel like this story can go somewhere hahaha. Also have you noticed how I called George and James after the two rivals hospitals? St James and St Georges haha just thought I'd point that out hehe xx**


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